(Suddenly music stops. He stops dancing too.)
What's wrong with you? We both are having a good time...Don't we? (pause) Don't be ridiculous!...Don't we have a good time? (pause) No?...(pause) Why?...Because I touched them?...your...What's wrong with that? All right...all right...all right...Don't leave me alone...please...don't...(pause) sit with me and have a beer...(pause) Have a beer with me!...Don't leave me alone...ok?
(He replaces the cardboard soldier down stage. Then brings a pitcher of beer and two glasses.)
Oh damn it! She left me!...O.K....Go away bitch...you stupid bitch!...(pause) No...it's not the way of my talking!
(He sits and drinks alone, talks to the audience.)
It's like a movie to me at least!...It didn't really happen to me...I'm trying to imagine things in my mind...Because I'm trying to make another character of myself. If you want to be accepted in a new society, you have to be a part of them.
I can't be relaxed...I don't know how to act...Perhaps I'm so relaxed...I don't know...I just don't know...I don't know what I'm saying! But I know that those who lie, make me vomit...
I left my Chinese friends, because they've lost their pride...They're licking between the Americans' toes! (pause)
I can't act like Americans...It's so far away from me...far away from me!!...
I feel I'm not a MAN anymore...I'm a WOMAN...The way Americans talk to me...they talk to me like I'm stupid...They smile at you like this...
(He makes an artificial smile.)
And talk behind you like this...
(He makes a face.)
He is so boring! So polite...His English is awful...His accent...oh...and they laugh!...He so polite, it bores me!...He is nice...but you know...He is CHINESE!...You know...
(He drinks beer.)
I chose loneliness because people make me depressed...
(He stands up.)
What's my real character?
(He looks at the mirror.)
Who am I? LU GANG, born in 1963 in Beijing, China...No...I'm not LU GANG. I dont know myself anymore!
(Light shows two rows of cardboard soldiers down stage and up stage.)
I'm between these...I'm not Chinese and I'm not American...Who am I? What am I doing here? Where is my place? China?
(The voice of protesters are heard: "WE LOVE RICE, BUT WE LOVE DEMOCRACY MORE." As the voice grows, down stage we read on a screen: "JUNE 1989, TIANANMEN SQUARE." Then a slogan: "WE NO LONGER TRUST DIRTY PUBLIC SERVANTS, WE TRUST DEMOCRACY." The voice is gone.)
The end of the dictatorship of the proletarian...The dictatorship of the proletarian...Proletariat!...My parents! They are not able to dictate any thing! They are still living with a dream of chairman Mao...They are just an ignorant couple who some day used to believe in communist movement. Time has never changed from 1948...Even though Deng Xiaoping tried to make a reform. (As Deng Xiaoping): "It doesn't matter a cat is black or white as long as it catches mice." But still our tables are empty and the world goes forward very fast...and I'm a bullet of energy who is leaping in this corner of the world...and my voice has no sound for the deaf...and my hand...
(He moves his hand on the air.)
No sound...because it's just one.
(He claps and makes a melody with two hands.)
Two hands together make a sound.
(A shot is heard from distance, the other shot closer...Repetition of several shots. Then the sound of marching soldiers and tanks and screaming and shooting, after a moment, silence.)
The goddess of democracy collapsed. The huge statue of the goddess, because you...you...made it of paper not of the stone!
Where am I? Wait a minute...
About Iowa Writes
Since 2006, Iowa Writes has featured the work of Iowa-identified writers (whether they have Iowa roots or live here now) and work published by Iowa journals and publishers on The Daily Palette. Iowa Writes features poetry, fiction, or nonfiction twice a week on the Palette.
In November of 2008, the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) designated Iowa City, Iowa, the world's third City of Literature, making the community part of the UNESCO Creative Cities Network.
Iowa City has joined Edinburgh, Scotland and Melbourne, Australia as UNESCO Cities of Literature.
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Ezzat Goushegir, a playwright, author and film critic, received her M.F.A from the Theatre Department of the University of Iowa. In 1990 she was a Fellow in the UI's International Writing Program. Currently she teaches at DePaul University. "Gang Lu Bought Two Guns," which Ms. Goushegir began writing in 1992, is based on the 1991 shootings of six UI faculty and staff members by a former UI graduate student.
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